(Unwanted) Mom Advice
As eternally challenging as it is, Motherhood is one blessed journey where the further along you travel, the more you get to soak up the rules of the game. No mom is born ready to dive into motherhood headfirst; you learn as you tread the path, as you raise the kids, as they discipline you.
One mistake I repeatedly made as a first-time mom was to listen to all advice I was given. Ten years ago when my first was just a tiny newborn, I at least considered every suggestion that was thrown my way (if not tried to apply it). “Feed on demand!”, “Don’t feed on demand!”, “Give her a lot of skin-to-skin!”, “Don’t carry her all the time or she’ll get used to it!”, “Co-sleep!”, “Put her to sleep in her own crib from day one!”… and the list goes on and on. And of course, as you can see, every single instruction plainly contradicted the other. Then I would be left with so many conflicting messages from different people, not knowing which to follow. Especially as the young mom I was, I found the pressure too overwhelming of having to listen to all of that. Needless to say, as my baby grew into toddlerhood, the unwanted advice expanded into other topics such as the perfect timing for toilet training and whether or not to send her to daycare, only to name a few.
As I grew up into motherhood, I slowly learned that people – especially other moms – will continually dish out their advice. Every single mother out there will tell you exactly what worked for her and will want you to do the same. I started training myself to remain calm as I listen to uncalled-for advice, and to simply smile and sincerely thank the other person for taking the time to make their suggestion. I, though, am not slightly obliged to take it. With the passage of time, I realized I shouldn’t take anyone’s advice to heart when raising ‘my’ kids (except maybe my husband’s and parents’); no one knows them better than I do. Experience teaches us, moms, to trust our motherly instinct and only do what is suitable for us alone – and that varies greatly even among moms within the same family.
So that was my story with the unwanted suggestions from other moms regarding how I parent my children. I decided early on I would not let any unsolicited advice get in my way and would only implement what I genuinely believe suits me and my kids. It is indeed amazing how Allah allows our character to evolve as mothers for the welfare of the whole family as we are faced with different situations where we have to give precedence to our maternal instinct over anything else.
