The Mom Guilt
“The Mom Guilt”, says the title… sounds like a monster’s name to me, though.. in fact, it is a hidden monster! It is a monster that has accompanied me, unwelcomed, since I started on this blessed yet fatiguing journey of motherhood. I found this sentiment to be widespread among many (most actually) mothers so I’m not the only one. Yet you may wonder, what is the reason for this guilt?
I know this mom guilt stems from the motherly instinct to always protect and care for our little ones. Therefore, we are racked with guilt whenever we feel ourselves inadequate as moms and at times in dire need of help. Sometimes the going gets so tough that it seems almost impossible to keep going, but Allah the All-Merciful always picks us up again.
I must confess I have experienced guilt more than I have felt good about myself as a mom. Having gone through severe postpartum depression with each of my three children, I always felt bad about it. I would fear that my babies would sense it then I would not forgive myself. I would look at moms who seemed to have it all together and think of myself as a bad mom because I’m depressed, although I couldn’t help it.
The moment my babies would sleep, I would give out a sigh of relief and thank Allah for some calm and free time.Then I would start a self-reproach session and sit myself down for strict accountability. Suddenly all the things I feel have gone wrong come to mind: my baby who hasn’t eaten enough today although I spent a whole hour at each meal trying to feed him, baby not reaching one milestone on time, having spoken not so nicely to my rebellious preteen, not having played enough with my 6-year-old, my daughter getting a bad mark on an exam… and the list goes on and on… and on. Sometimes I even feel guilty about enjoying time away from my children or when they are tucked away in bed. Working moms of course usually feel bad about the time spent away from their kids at work. In general, most of the time we feel guilty about things that others won’t really notice or that are out of our control.
There are a few factors that definitely heighten our sense of guilt as mothers. It may be that other moms are trying to tell you you are handling your baby the wrong way or not doing things the way they should be done. Those ‘other moms’ are usually older, more experienced moms and sometimes it’s even your own mother. It may be your unsupportive partner who may happen to be condescendingly dishing out negative comments. Sometimes it is the social construct of “super mom” and society’s unrealistic expectations of all moms that haunts us, deeming our performance less than. Other times it surprisingly comes from within our own selves where we fail to see the numerous things we’re doing right and have achieved for our children.
All in all, the element of guilt seems to be embedded in every mother’s journey, one way or another. However experienced you are as a mom, it is absolutely natural to feel it. Try not to give in, though, and most importantly, don’t let it stop you from being the best mother you can be.
Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash
